I'm not sure what is wrong with me still. Since the 4th of July I've been having terrible stomach pains and can't eat much. I'm losing weight, which ironically I would normally be thrilled about. However, because it is due entirely to the fact that I can barely gag down more than 500 calories a day, I'd rather be fat thank you! My headaches are increasing in intensity and frequency as are the spells of vertigo. The Dr's are confused at every corner especially because the latest news is that in spite of all that I can't eat, my cholesterol shot through the roof and now I'm on medication for that.
So here is what they are medicating me for: intense and unexplained weight gain (obviously this started before my stomach issues), high cholesterol (which started after my stomach problems), migraines, stomach cramps, constant nausea and vomiting, low bone density, acid reflux (which they aren't even really sure I have), and last but certainly not least, vertigo.
Whew! Quite a list, but in spite of all of that I'm having a better day today. I've come to an important realization. I think that this is all due to stress, not to say that it's all in my head, but well... I guess that is probably exactly what I'm saying. I'm stressed about money, about my son with Asperger's, about family relationships, about car troubles, the house, my health (or lack thereof), the fact that I want to adopt another baby, my son who does not have Asperger's and the list goes on.
Well, hang on to your shorts because I'm thinking I want to go back to school amidst all of this. Stick with me here, stop rolling your eyes and read on. I know it sounds counter-intuitive to add such an undertaking at this particular time. However, I'm feeling as if I'm stagnating and waiting for something to happen when in reality I've always been a person who makes things happen. It goes against my very nature when I feel as though I'm not expanding myself in new and different ways.
Now, before we get all excited and crazy here, let me explain that I'm only thinking a couple of credits per semester. Realizing that in order to gain a degree at this pace it will be a long and arduous process, but something about the thought gives me great peace of mind.
I know, crazy... right? So here is your chance, if you follow my blog, weigh in. Tell me what you think. Should I? Shouldn't I? What do I study, where do I go from here? Can I really do this and still give my family the time and attention they require?
Here is to better days to come, no matter what I decide to undertake going forward, and on that note: Thank you all for your love and support through our tough times. It is because of friends and family that these "better days" are possible.
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1 comments:
Christina, I am so sad to hear you are still not doing well. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be "waiting" to get better or find out what is wrong! I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. You sound like you have very real things to worry about. I know being honest about how I am feeling always helps, and asking for help.
On to your schooling question. My answer would be a resounding YES, go back. It will give you something that you can control, when the rest of the world spins at that chaotic speed we call life, and it will help give you something to reach for. Why all of the advice? I am on the verge of returning to school also. My youngest is headed to preschool, and I think it may be time for me (scary, but worth the risk!) Christina call me I would love to talk!
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